z

Young Writers Society



The Curse

by Rock Chick


Help me I don't know what I'm doin
Help me before I fall to ruin
And if I'm blind, I will lead you on
Come follow me now, before our time is gone

And as you're laughing at this fool tonight
Let me rid myself of any line that I might use to trip you up
And as I'm howling at the moonlight, don't you kid yourself
I will be your luck and never your curse

Help me I don't know what I'm saying
Sometimes this tongue can be betraying
And if I'm wrong, is that such a crime?
And if you want, you can set my words to right

And as you're laughing at this fool tonight
Let me rid myself of any line that I might use to trip you up
And as I'm howling at the moonlight, don't you kid yourself
I will be your luck

And if your eyes forget to well
And if your lies forget to tell
And if our paths forget to cross
It doesn't mean you're lost

So as you're laughing at this fool tonight
Let me rid myself of any line that I might use to trip you up
And as I'm howling at the moonlight, don't you kid yourself
I will be your luck

If you're laughing at this fool tonight
Let me rid myself of any line that I might use to trip you up
And as I'm howling at the moonlight, don't you kid yourself
I will be your luck
Cause even at my worst
I will be your luck
never be your curse


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
3821 Reviews


Points: 3891
Reviews: 3821

Donate

User avatar
31 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 31

Donate
Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:40 pm
GibsonGirl says...



...Isn't that song by Audioslave? It's a really great song, but you might want to say you didn't write it so people don't get confused.




User avatar
1274 Reviews


Points: 35774
Reviews: 1274

Donate
Sat Jan 28, 2006 6:25 pm
niteowl wrote a review...



Overall, I liked this. And Diana, I get what you're saying, but I think she meant "to well" as in well with tears.

"Let me rid my self of any line that I might use to trip you up" This doesn't fit with the rhythm. I like the idea, but is there a better way you could break this down?

Also, in the 2nd and 3rd choruses, you don't have "and never your curse". Is this intentional?

Good job. Keep it up. :thumb:




User avatar
44 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 44

Donate
Fri Jan 27, 2006 10:16 pm
innerbeauty555 wrote a review...



You had excellent rhythm in this song. I liked it very much. I think in the first line of the fifth stanza, though, you meant "too well" instead of "to well".

Keep writing! :)
-*-*--Diana--*-*-





The brain is wider than the sky.
— Emily Dickenson